Bella, Post Adoption: Month 1

One month ago today, we met our beautiful Bella. Honestly, I'm not really sure what we ever did without this sweet soul in our lives. Now, I don't want to sugarcoat things. Are our days crazier? More stressful? More exhausting? More anxiety-provoking? More chaotic? Yes. Yes, yes, yes. But are our days more meaningful? More love-filled? More life-changing? More beautiful? More joyful? Yes. Yes, yes, YES. 

Adoption is a complete and total leap of faith. And what an amazing leap it is! While there are still many unknowns that lie ahead, we know that God has got us as we navigate all that is to come. For now, here is what we know after Month 1 with our beauty: 

Language. This is going to be a marathon for us, particularly in the expressive language domain. Our Bella is not a big speaker at this point. She is 27 months old now and is really only verbalizing two words: Mama and Dada. She babbles and tries to mimic us, but we haven't heard any words just yet (it was the same in China; so, it's not just a Mandarin/English thing). I do think her brain is working hard to understand this new language, and she intently studies my mouth as I try to teach her new words. Further, she is doing really well with her receptive language (this is the very common pattern for adoptive kiddos: receptive language usually comes much quicker than expressive). She now knows and responds to her name, will give her Momma kisses on command, will wave hi, will blow kisses, and will sign some words ("more"; "all done"). We just continue to talk to her and do our best to teach her, and we are really looking forward to the speech/language therapy we will be starting in the next few weeks.  

 

Motor Functioning. Bella's fine motor skills are much stronger than her gross motor skills. She has a good pincer grasp and is easily able to manipulate toys and foods. Her gross motor skills are a different story right now, as she cannot yet walk without assistance. She can crawl at lightening speed (and will high tail it to us when her Daddy or I walk in the room) :) and can cruise and independently push her walker toy, no problem. She also attempted to stand on her own the other day and remained upright for about 0.5 seconds (we were so proud of her for trying on her own!!!). Her most favorite thing in the world is to have her big siblings hold her hands and guide her around while she practices walking. And she has gotten so much steadier, stronger, and more confident over the last month! Go, Bella, go! We have some exams coming up soon that will hopefully shed more light on what is causing the delays, and we will be starting physical therapy soon as well! It's time to get to work! :)  

Cognitive Ability. Based on my training, education, and experience as a pediatric neuropsychologist, I would estimate Bella's cognitive functioning to be between about a 12- to 15-month-old level. Developmental delays are pretty much always seen in children adopted from China; so, this was not surprising to us. What we do now is expose her to all the things that she was deprived of during her first two years of life and watch her soar. <3 

 

Sleeping. Our girl is a GREAT sleeper! One of my girlfriends gave me the best advice before we went to China (shout out to you, Kim!) : she gently suggested that, rather than immediately put Bella in our bed for sleeping (to help with attachment and bonding, which many adoptive families do), to instead put her in her own bed from the start. So, that is what we did. And we are so thankful for that great advice, because Bella has been a great sleeper since the first day we got her, all in her own bed. She is usually asleep within minutes of being put to bed, and she takes a solid two-hour nap each day. She also easily goes to bed at night and is the last of my kiddos to wake up. It took us four tries, but we finally have a child who doesn't wake up before 6:30 am every.single.day. :) Thanks, Bella! But, although it breaks my heart, Bels still rocks herself to sleep for every nap and bedtime. :( However, she usually has a smile on her face while doing it; so, I think it is more out of habit than necessity at this point. She also still clasps her precious hands while sucking her thumb when putting herself to sleep, which is the sweetest thing in the world to see. <3

 

Eating. Bella is also knocking it out of the park with her eating! She will try anything and eat just about everything, which is fantastic! I had been so fearful of how her eating would go, as this is a hurdle for many adoptive kiddos, but she is doing great in this domain! What does she not like? Ice cream! Snow cones! Basically, anything frozen, as she never tasted this sensation until she was adopted (i.e., Chinese people do not serve anything cold). She WILL now drink cold milk, which is greatI Iniitially, we were heating it since that is what she was used to, but now, she'll just drink it straight from the fridge! Also, thanks to my smart, adoptive momma friend (shout out to you, Caitlin!), we are no longer giving Bella cow's milk. Apparently, MANY people of Asian descent are lactose intolerant. We did not know this and were basically pouring whole (cow's) milk down Bella's throat the first couple of weeks we had her. And her tummy was a mess. :( But now, thanks to Caitlin's insight and advice, we give her almond milk. And that, combined with the daily Miralax dosage she was prescribed by our pediatrician, definitely seem to be helping her little tummy. 

 

Attaching. When people ask how Bella is doing, I can't help but beam with momma pride. And here's why: Imagine that you were suddenly plucked from Earth and plopped down on Mars. There were strange people all around you who looked different and spoke a strange language. Every single thing in your life was suddenly different. And yet there you were. Alone. It'd be a little scary, no? Welcome to Bella's life over the last month. If it was me, I'd be an anxious, overwhelmed, shell-shocked disaster. An absolute mess. But Bella? Nah. Not our Bella. She is amazing. She has attached SO WELL to Clay and me and her big sibs. How do we know? She beams when she sees us - she is actually giddy when we walk in the room, when her siblings get off the bus, when she spots us walking up to her crib in the morning. Further, she is fearful and unsure of new people - it may sound odd, but this is a GOOD thing. It means she knows that her Lu Crew are her people. While she will certainly grow more comfortable around the rest of our family and friends over time, for now, she knows our Lu Crew is her Lu Crew, and this is an awesome thing!!! 

 

 

 

 

Out and About. Adoption research is split - half says to "cocoon" immediately after adoption, which basically means to shut your family away from the world for weeks and weeks and weeks in order to help the adoptive child attach. Lucky for us (as mentioned above), Bella's attachment to us, and us to her, has not been a problem at all. It's a good thing, 'cause we are an active family who highly value our church, family, friends, and extra curriculars. :) This means we have gotten to get out and about over the last month, including going to concerts and gatherings at our local greenway, repeatedly hitting up our neighborhood pool, going to Fall sports practices, etc. Thank goodness, Bella tends to be pretty laid back and in for whatever is up our sleeve. And when she's not, we follow her cues and head home early when needed. :)  

 

 

Playing. One of our favorite things to do is just play with Bella! If I'm being honest (and yes, this breaks my heart), I am guessing that our sweet girl has gotten more love and attention over the last month than she has her whole life prior. This girl is just ADORED. Between her momma and daddy and three big sibs, she is getting tons of fun play time, pretty much all day, every day! We read and dance and sing and bang toys. We blow bubbles and throw balls and ride on swings and in wagons. She crawls and cruises and pushes her walker, and we cheer her on all along the way! 

 

 

Etc. A couple of extras we have learned about our sweet Bella this first month? Let's she: she just has this twinkle in her eyes now, one that was non-existent a month ago. <3 She is super duper ticklish. She has the most infectious laugh. She has had zero problem riding in a carseat, from the get go (despite never ever riding in one in China). She is SO observant - she loves to sit back and watch the world and take things in. She is generally happy but when she's not, she'll let you know (she has this infamous "grimace" that she is not scared to show when unhappy or uncomfortable). She is the sweatiest child I have ever met (I have heard this is a common Asian trait but we are testing her thyroid to be safe). :) She has a mouth full of teeth. She has a lower dimple on her right cheek (melt my heart). She puts everything in her mouth. She loves bananas but not strawberries/blueberries/pineapple. She loves music. She loves to dance (atta girl!). She lights up our world. 

 

It's been one month with our Bellaboo. While we can never get back the first 26 months of her life that we weren't with her, we can do our very, very best to make up for it with as many kisses and hugs and snuggles and high fives and praises and "Love you's!" as we can possibly give her each and every day. 

 

Bella, we love you like crazy, darlin'. You are stuck with us forever. On to Month 2, sweet girl. Can't wait to see what the next month holds for our Lu Crew!