40 Things I've Learned in 40 Years

Today I turn 40. 

And I feel...excited. Anticipatory. Ready. 

I have learned so much, with each passing decade, of these first 40 years. And finally, I feel more like...me. No more hiding or pretending. No more saying or doing what I think I am supposed to say or do. More just being...me. 

Two years ago, I established a goal of checking off a bucket list of 40 items to do before I turned 40. And I checked off many of them. But then Covid hit. Which halted the acquisition of many of the goals. So, while I cannot check them all off today, I will. Because if you know me, you know that (1) If I set a goal, I won't stop until I achieve it, and (2) Checking boxes off to-do lists makes me way too happy not to. ;) 

In the meantime, I will pivot, as we've had to do much of this year, and share 40 things I've learned over the first 40 years of my life. Cheers to 40 years, y'all! 

(1) Be the light. I wear a bracelet every day with this saying on it. My hope is that, one day, after my final breath has come, I will be remembered as someone who spread the light of Jesus to those around me; who worked hard to brighten others' days with a kind word, a friendly smile, a big hug, and a little encouragement. 

(2) Pray. There is no "right way" to pray. For me, I talk to Jesus like I'm talking to my best friend. He knows my hopes and dreams, my sins and regrets, my insecurities and vulnerabilities, my...everything. He is my greatest confidant and my most trusted companion. No matter how you do, just make sure you do it. 

(3) Schedule in quiet time. My best days are those that include quiet time: to pray, to reflect, to give thanks, to repent, to be still, to dive into my devotional. When I don't make time for it, I can feel it: I am off, my mindset is wrong, and I am not the person I want to be it. It's amazing what a little time of prayer and reflection can do. 

(4) Get physical. We are each gifted with one body to live in for our entire lives. As I grow older, it has become increasingly important to me to move and strengthen mine, and I prioritize exercise every day: a run or barre class, a tennis match or walk with a friend; keeping a healthy body gives me more energy to pour into my people, and hopefully, gives me more years to spend with them on this earth. 

(5) Eat well and eat the cookie, too. I don't like diets. I do like moderation. And I do love cookies (and, well, virtually any and everything with copious amounts of sugar). So. I try to eat well most of the time but also don't deprive myself of things I enjoy. I think the key, as is for most things in life, is moderation. So eat well....and eat the cookie, too (especially of the Crumbl variety, if there is one nearby). 

(6) Trust in God's plan, and you'll find peace. Exactly one week ago today, I sat in a medical exam room, alone (#Covid), after my appointment had finally arrived. It was a diagnostic appointment, as I had previously discovered the lump during a self-exam, and we needed to determine what it was. After the mammogram was done, and the lump was confirmed on the scan, I was immediately taken to ultrasound. I saw it there, on the black and white ultrasound screen. There it was. The mass. I had felt it, but this was the first time I had seen it. And in that moment, waiting to hear whether it was or wasn't the C word, I felt......complete and total peace. Yes. That's right. Peace. And here's why: The way my life unfolds is no surprise to God. He has a plan for my life. He knows the number of days I will live on this earth. He knew what the scans would reveal that day. Tumor? Yes. Malignant? No. Either way, He would have held me in the palm of His hand, and there is such complete peace in trusting His plan, no matter what He has designed for each of us our lives. I felt it then, and I feel it now: peace. Because God is good. We need only trust in His plan. 

(7) Be where your feet are. Life is fast and distracting. I have found such contentment in "being where my feet are": focusing on the person/people I am with, not worrying about what others are doing, and being thankful for the moment I am in. 

(8) Never make someone a priority when all you are to them is an option (Maya Angelou). This quote has resonated so deeply with me over the last year or so and it was a hard lesson for me to learn. If you are like me, maybe it resonates with you, too. It can be a painful reality to discover: that the value you place on someone in a friendship is not always the same value being placed on you in that friendship. But here's the thing: If there isn't reciprocity in relationships, someone will eventually end up feeling hurt, overlooked, and under-valued. And while I truly believe we should love all and love well, I also believe that there is such encouragement and value found in relationships that are reciprocally honored and respected. 

(9) Speak up for yourself. For so long, I let my feelings get hurt because I am a people pleaser, down to my core. But once I learned to honestly and openly and respectfully express my needs, it made all the difference in my own self-worth and in the worth of my relationships. 

(10) Wear the fancy dress. A few weeks ago, my oldest daughter asked to wear a fancy dress to school - one I was saving for a special occasion. I told her no. And then, I had an immediate moment of clarity: "Wait! Yes!!! Go put it on!" She did. And then I thanked her for reminding me that we should wear the fancy dress just because. What are we waiting for? Tomorrow is not promised. Do it just because: Use the special plates. Burn the nice candle. Pop the expensive champagne. Wear the fancy dress. 

(11) Stay open-minded. Sometimes people believe so strongly in their own views and opinions that they are unable to consider the perspectives of others. I work hard to remember that what I think doesn't make it a fact. It makes it my opinion. And there are always three sides to every story: Mine, Theirs, and the Truth, which lies somewhere in the middle. 

(12) Say I love you every single day, multiple times per day. Leave no doubt. Say it often. Mean it every time. 

(13) Know you are just as big a sinner as the person you are judging. Hi, my name is Lindsay, and I sin every day of my life. Not because I want to, but because I am not Jesus. How I wish I could be perfect (Hi! Enneagram Type 1 here), but, well, I can't. And so, I sin again and again and then try again tomorrow. And so does she. And so does he. And so do ALL of us. And often, we are all just doing the best we can, sinners every one of us. So, let's stop judging everyone else and start focusing on being better ourselves. 

(14) Sing loudly. In the car. In the shower. In the sanctuary. Belt it loudly and proudly and have no regrets (or, if you're my hub and you're reading this: "No Ragrets"). 

(15) Find your people, love them well, and be loved in return. Find those who know you, like really know you, and love you anyway. And then love them with your whole heart. Be kind and loyal and supportive. And appreciate the specific people Jesus has put in your life for a reason, for a season, or for a lifetime. 

(16) Say, in this exact way, "I am sorry." Those words, in that order, specifically. Not just, "Sorry." Not, "I'm sorry. I did that because..." Not "I'm sorry, but..." Not, "I'm sorry your feelings are hurt..." Just say, "I am sorry." And mean it. The end. 

(17) Love = T.I.M.E. (David Chadwick) What do our children want? Our time. Our focused time, with them. Throwing around a ball, snuggling on the couch for movie night, sitting down for dinner, praying one-on-one, sharing stories from our days, reading together, being TOGETHER, no distractions. No phones. Just US, together, sharing our time. That is love. 

(18) Find what brings you joy and do it as often as you can. Every day not realistic? Just find some way to do it when you can. And when you do, be where your feet are and enjoy the moment of doing what you love. 

(19) Use the gifts God gave you. I have known people who are utterly, completely, head-over-heels passionate about...cheese...yes cheese. And writing. And floral arranging. And public speaking. And counseling. And financial planning. And cooking. And encouraging. And reading. And organizing. And teaching. And, well, you get the point. We are all uniquely and wonderfully made with gifts and interests unique to us. Isn't that amazing?

(20) Be kind or be quiet. If there is one quote I hope my children will remember me for (aside from "I love you" or "I believe in you"), this will be in the Top 5 contenders, no doubt. I tell it to them regularly (daily?), but it applies to all of us grown-ups, too. Be kind or be quiet (aka "If you don't have anything nice to say, then zip it." Wait...that's not quite how it goes... ;) but you catch my drift). 

(21) Connection is found in vulnerability. Let's stop acting like we all have it all together all the time, shall we? Nobody does. Not a single one of ya. And most definitely not me. We are human which means we are messy. No one has a perfect marriage nor perfect job nor perfect house nor perfect children nor perfect friendship nor perfect wardrobe nor perfect life. Don't let the highlight reel of social media fool you. And don't try to fool others with inauthenticity. Be real, be vulnerable, be yourself, as is - it is so much more beautiful. 

(22) Laugh. I am not the best at this, to be honest. But my best days are those filled with laughter. I hope to let loose more and find even more of it over the next 40 years. 

(23) Try again tomorrow. We all have those days. Everything goes wrong. We lose our temper (again). We say something we shouldn't (again). We don't accomplish the goal we had hoped for (again). We just, well, screw things up (again). Give yourself grace, go to bed, and try again tomorrow.

(24) Go see the doctor. Take care of your body and make sure your doc is keeping an eye on things, too. This world needs you around for as long as possible!

(25) Take your medication. Go to therapy. Do whatever you need to do to be the best version of the healthiest you (see also: #24, above).

(26) Give. And don't tell anyone about it. Donate your time, money, skills, and services. And do it without need for everyone to know. Do it without blasting it all over social media. Do it to help others, not to receive recognition. Do it because it's the right thing to do. I tell my children all the time, "You should do the right thing, even when no one is looking." We adults need to do the same. 

(27) Dream big dreams. And write them down. And remember you are never too old to dream big dreams and write them down, and then, for the love, chase them down. 

(28) Love harder. There is no such thing as too much love. Love, love, love as hard as you can, as many as you can, in as many ways as you can. 

(29) Find perspective from a bird's eye view. One of the reasons I love traveling is because I love flying. And I love flying because it reminds me of how very small I am in this world - as I look out the plane window and see thousands of tiny houses, filled with thousands of people, each with their own stories and their own lives and their own triumphs and their own struggles, I am reminded that I am but one person on this earth and here but a short time. I am one very small part of a very big story. So I ask myself: Is that thing I am worried about really that big a deal? I look down at the earth from a bird's eye view and things become so much clearer every time: I see what's really important. And what's really not. 

(30) If it were easy, everyone would do it. Many things of value don't come easily and don't come without extra effort. That's what makes the reward that much more special: do it even when you don't feel like doing it. It'll be worth it. And yes you can.

(31) Prioritize what really matters, in this order: Faith. Family. Friends. 'Nuff said. 

(32) Don't put off doing tomorrow what you can do today. One thing I've learned about this year is the impact of micro-anxieties. Micro-anxieties are those small, nagging items on your to-do list that you keep putting off, so they keep bothering you, irritating you from that place in the back of your mind. When you build micro-anxiety upon micro-anxiety, you end up with...regular ol' anxiety. It becomes less micro and more an anxious state of being. So, if there are even small things that can be done that will make you feel better...(e.g., going to UPS to make the return; sending the thank you note you've been meaning to send; organizing that junk drawer; etc.), do them, today. You'll be glad you did. 

(33) Listen more than you speak. And when you are the listener...LISTEN. Like, actually listen. Don't sit there and think about your retort. Just listen. Take it in. Process and consider. And only then, respond. Also, remember that oftentimes people don't want nor need your advice: They just need a non-judgmental ear, a place to vent, a word of encouragement, and a big, warm hug. 

(34) Be an original. You are the only you. Wear the thing because you like it, without regard for whether it's trendy. Paint the room your favorite color, without considering the color everyone else is using. Do the thing because you enjoy it, without worrying about what everyone else is spending their time doing. Be you. And let them be them. Each original. 

(35) Call your mom. Call your dad. And be grateful if you still have them here on earth. 

(36) Drink your water. Get your sleep. You will feel better tomorrow, promise. 

(37) Don't compare. Whatever you do, do.not.compare. As my all-time favorite pastor (Andy Stanley) says, "There is no win in comparison." And another favorite quote of mine? "The grass is greener where you water it." Comparison robs us of the opportunity to use what God has given each of us and steals the joy from our lives. Just don't do it. 

(38) Sweat the small stuff. No, I don't think this means to nag, nag, nag. But I do think that when enough small things are simply swept under the rug, that small pile of little nuisances will eventually turn into a mountain of a problem. So, sometimes I don't hold my tongue. I share the little things that bug me and then sweep them out the door instead of under the rug. 

(39) What are you doing with your one wild and precious life? We get one life. Just the one. Make it a good one. 

(40) Love your spouse and love them well. I purposefully saved this for last because my hub is my very best friend. Together, we have loved and supported one another through so many peaks and valleys. He challenges me and makes me a better human. I admire him and adore him, and today, I am thankful to be celebrating 40 years of life with him by my side. 

So, here's to the next 40. May they be filled with prayer and hope, learning and growth, forgiveness and compassion, and always, always, love and light.