One Step At A Time

Sometimes, when we look at how far we still have to go, the road seems daunting, endless, hopeless. Each step feels harder, heavier, impossible. So far - still so, so far - to go. How will we ever get there? We grow tired, weary, defeated. 

But sometimes, we just need to take one step. 

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She was found as a newborn. She was left with nothing. I don't know how long she cried alone. I don't know who found her. I don't know who took her to the police station and later, to the orphanage.

I don't know how many nights she cried herself to sleep. I don't know how many hours she laid alone in her crib, surrounded by hundreds and yet, all alone. I don't know how many hours a day she felt human touch, heard a human voice, had human interaction. I don't know how many kisses she received during the first 26 months of her life. I don't know when the joy left her eyes. 

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I do know that, when we met her after 814 days of being an orphan, it was the end of one chapter and beginning of another. I know that, now, she will have everything she ever needs - food, shelter, clothing, healthcare, faith, family, love. She will always be cherished, celebrated, and adored. I know she has been hugged, kissed, snuggled, cradled, tickled, squeezed more times than I can possibly count, in just six months. I know that now, it's not just her eyes that are filled with joy, it's her entire soul. 

I know that, when she couldn't walk, we carried her. We carried her when her steps felt too hard, too heavy, too impossible.

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I also know that we have seen eight specialists since she's been home, with three more appointments with new specialists scheduled. I know that she has undergone hours upon hours of evaluations, examinations, bloodwork, sedation, scanning, and testing. I know that she has spent countless hours in therapies each week, with no end in sight. I know that there are still big question marks and unresolved issues. I know that we have miles to go. 

I know that I often feel worried, anxious, overwhelmed, uncertain. I know that each step often feels hard, heavy, impossible. I also know that this is the chapter of my life right now, her life right now, right where we're meant to be. I know this is part of my story, part of hers.
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I know that others are in the midst of their own difficult chapters of their own stories - some filled with loss, some filled with death, some filled with disease. Some filled with loneliness, some filled with hopelessness, some filled with despair. I know that, within these chapters, each step feels hard, heavy, impossible. 

But. 

Because of Jesus, there is also hope. And there is a heavenly Father who carries us when our steps become too hard, too heavy, too impossible to take on our own. And then He guides us as we slowly, oh so slowly, begin to take one step at a time, all on our own.

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Over the last 6 months of my life, and the last 31 months of hers, each step has often felt hard, heavy, impossible. But when I couldn't take my own steps, Jesus carried me. And until we could bring her home, He carried her, too. 

Sometimes the start of a new chapter begins with taking just one step. 
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On February 1, 2018, at 2.5 years old, Bella took her first step. She overcame the hard, the heavy, the impossible. She took a step. And has taken several more since then.

It all starts with one step.

After 998 days, Bella took hers. 

...I learned to just keep moving, keep walking, keep taking teeny tiny steps. In those teeny tiny steps and moments I become who I am. We don’t arrive. But we can become. And that’s the most hopeful thing I can think of. -Shauna Niequest