Recently, an invaluable friend sent me the most amazing article about waiting. It was exactly what I needed to read at exactly the right time. She is truly a gift, this incredible friend of mine.
There were so many beautiful truths from the article, entitled "The Unwelcome Gift of Waiting." So many statements that tugged at my heart. So many sentiments that I needed to read and process and truly understand. Because waiting, while hard, I now know is an unavoidable gift.
As the author points out,
It's hardest to wait when I am uncertain about the outcome.
Ain't that the truth! So often, along our adoption journey, I have thought, "Man! This would be so much easier if I knew how things would look at the end of it all! If I knew that everything would be okay."
But you know what? To rush through the waiting, to already know the outcome, robs me of a great opportunity to exercise my faith. To truly believe in God's plan, to know that His work is perfect, and that He, not I, deserve to know how things will play out.
But admittedly, as the author notes,
...often God seems silent when I'm waiting. I have no idea whether he'll ever answer my prayer, so it feels like I'm waiting in the dark.
And that, right there, is where my faith is tested. When God is silent. When He is forcing me to wait. I, selfishly, want to quicken the wait. To get to the end. To see how it all plays out. But that is not what He wants. He wants me to wait and have patience and trust in Him.
Because, as the author reiterates, at the end of the day,
God knows what I need. I do not. He sees the future. I cannot. His perspective is eternal. Mine is not.
So. I must wait.
And yet, in the waiting, a beautiful thing is happening. My relationship with Jesus is deepening, growing richer. I am using the stillness of the wait to give to others in every way I can, encouraging them in their battles, in their waiting, in their stillness. I am trying to minister to those who need it, all to share the beauty that is Jesus Christ. To not only deepen my faith, but that of others as well.
Because here's the kicker. Here's the statement that makes my breath catch and my heart race. Here is the lesson that brings me to my knees:
Waiting is not just about what I get at the end of the wait, but about who I become as I wait.
Adoption is not a sprint. It is a marathon. It is a slow journey, one in which the road may fork, the path may twist, the trek may seem endless, and the finish line may be unclear. But the beauty of the endurance being built on this endeavor -- Well, it is an unexpected, beautiful gift that has been bestowed upon me.
Waiting is not easy. But it will be worth it.
Wait for the Lord; be strong and let your heart take courage; Wait for the Lord! Psalm 27:14.