I see you

Dear Momma,

I see you. 

I see you in the earliest hours - your heart drops as you hear the first wails of the day erupt. You just needed a moment of peace. Just one more moment of solitude.

I see you in the quiet of the morning, trying to remain calm while attempting to dress your toddler, who has now decided she is allergic to clothing. 

I see you on your hands and knees, picking up the remains of the crushed Cheerio on the floor before noticing the army of crumbs standing at attention beneath your kitchen table. 

I see you, sweating and swearing under your breath, trying to buckle your little one into his carseat  as he battles you. Clearly, his title of WWE Champ is on the line. 

I see you, sighing deeply as yet another cry of "Moooo-oooom" echoes through the house, undoubtedly the start of the 5,678th tattle of the day

I see you in the stillness of the night, your eyes popping open as you hold your breath, praying the cries you heard in the silence were only a dream. You just wanted one full night of sleep. 

I see you coming down on yourself for losing your patience, again; for raising your voice, again; for wondering why it isn't so hard for others, again; for wanting a break from the madness of it all, again.

Yes, Momma. I see you. And I know you. 

Because I am you. 

I lie awake and let the guilt wash over me, time and again, over what I said, over what I didn't. 

I am you. I wish the hard moments away but cry when yet another birthday arrives, knowing another year has passed, these precious years slipping away despite my attempts to hold tight as fiercely as I can.

I am you. I worry. Oh, how I worry. I worry over worrying. I worry I am worrying too much. I worry I am not worrying enough.

I am you. I wonder how to balance it all - family and friendships, they time and me time. I wonder how to protect my heart but lend it out, too. 

I know you. Because I am you. 

Know that you are not alone. Know that mommahood is often punctuated by the moments no one sees. It is the sweat and the swears. It is the unknown and the fears. It is the battle and the victory. It is the lonely and the tears. It is the worry and the guilt. It is the hard-earned journey and the long road ahead.

It may be so worth it all, but that doesn't always make it easy.  

And I see you, there, amongst it all.<3

Her children rise up and call her blessed. Proverbs 31:28.