Last week, I cried for two days straight.
Had you seen me during that time, you would have seen swollen, tired eyes filled with tears, on the brink of another meltdown. I felt discouraged, disheartened, angry, frustrated, overwhelmed, lonely, uncertain, and, well, sad. It was a HARD week, one that followed months of endless hope, unanswered prayers, and stressors anew.
Sometimes, I feel like I live my life holding my breath, waiting. And I try, I really truly try, to wait well. Because there's growth and change and strength and courage that build in the waiting. I know that. And sometimes I wait well. But sometimes? Sometimes I don't. Last week was one of those 'I don't's.
I share this today because life is hard. For everyone. At different times. For different reasons. Life.Is.Hard. When we find ourselves in one of these valleys, it is hard.
And when we are in the valley, it can feel very lonely and very isolating. We look around and see nothing but dried out grass and barren land. Which is crazy, because the view used to look so much greener - where now everything looks brown and dead, it once was lush and abundant. We then do what rarely helps: we compare our withering valley to the views around us. And in fact, when we look up from our valley, we see mountains. We see the beautiful, flourishing, bright green grass cascading down the mountains and then notice that, wow!, everyone we know is standing on their blooming, thriving, mountainous land. We lower our eyes and see, again, our perishing, impoverished valley. It hits hard then: Their grass is greener than mine.
Growing grass takes time. We must plant the seeds, cover them with nurturing, life-giving soil, and water them regularly. It's that last part, I think, that can sometimes end in drought. Because often, we have many seeds we are trying to plant and help thrive - in fact, sometimes we have too many seeds - and so, we aren't able to fully care for each seed. And sometimes, we're so focused on nurturing so many different seeds that we fail to notice that our watering cans have, in fact, run dry. It happens, then: our grass begins to brown, it depletes. And, again, we raise our eyes and see the lush mountains and wonder, how do I get there? My can is empty. Everyone's grass is greener than mine.
But here's the thing: our grass is greener where we water it.
We don't have enough water to fully nurture every seed that makes it's way to our palm. Sometimes, we have to let some seeds go. Perhaps when the next growing season arrives, there will be more time and soil and water to cultivate those seeds, but that time is not now. We have to select and choose which seeds to plant, nurture, and water. And even then, our watering can will run dry from time to time. But that's when our people show up, extra watering cans in hand, ready to dig into the trenches with us and help our grass not only grow but grow green and flourish.
Here's the beauty of it all: with time, patience, hard work, nurture, and care - with extra watering cans at the ready thanks to the village that stands behind us - one day, we look up and notice that those patches of grass we have poured into are the most beautiful, life-giving greens we've ever seen. We no longer look to the mountains to compare our view to theirs - we've got everything we've ever needed right in front of us.
And God was with us, all along, scattering seeds and nurturing us, right in the midst of the valley.
I've walked among the shadows;
You wiped my tears away,
And I've felt the pain of heartbreak,
And I've seen the brighter days.
And I've prayed prayers to heaven from my lowest place,
And I have held the blessings,
God, you give and take away.
No matter what I have, Your grace is enough.
No matter where I am, I'm standing in Your love.
On the mountains, I will bow my life
To the one who set me there;
In the valley, I will lift my eyes to the one who sees me there.
When I'm standing on the mountain aft, didn't get there on my own;
When I'm walking through the valley end, no I am not alone!
You're God of the hills and valleys!
Hills and Valleys!
God of the hills and valleys
And I am not alone!
-from Hills and Valleys by Tauren Wells
