Sunday, July 14, 2013

Let's Be Honest: Pick 3

I've been doing a lot of thinking lately. Namely, about what it means to feel less than. To feel not good enough. As a woman. As a wife. As a Momma. To feel like others do things so easily, make things look so easy. The biggest "other" who makes me feel this way: Pinterest. And Facebook. And Instagram. And bloggers. Hell, social media in general. 

I hope I have never made others feel this way. If I have, please accept my deepest, sincerest apology. I certainly do NOT have it all together. 

Want to know a dirty secret that may make you feel better? For Mother's Day, I asked for one (big) thing: to have a housecleaner come, every two weeks, and clean our home, from top to bottom. This wish was so graciously granted by my hub and kiddos. So. Since mid-May, every two weeks, someone has been cleaning my house for me. I just wanted to make sure you knew that. You should also know that the overwhelming guilt I feel over not doing it myself now outweighs the gloriousness of the feeling of coming home to a clean house. I feel like it is part of my job description. In fact, just this week, I informed my hub that we needed to stop this service. I feel too guilty about it. So. We will be...after just one more cleaning session. But. I just wanted you to know. I wanted to use this as an example. No momma can do it all. Sometimes, we need a little break help. 

And I know, we should all know, that social media is good/bad. And/both. It is a wonderful way to keep up with others-family and friends, near and far. It is a fabulous way to share, vent, document, update. It is what it is. And I am a big fan. Most days. 


Some days, social media makes me feel like less than. Because, as we all (mostly) do, we share the highlights of our lives through these venues. We don't share the whines, the cries, the Am I good enoughs?, the exasperations, the siiiiiighs. 

So. As viewers and sharers of social media posts, we begin to have doubts about ourselves. How in the world is she able to cook, craft, clean, blog, spend quality time with her children, work out, and maintain a fabulous relationship with her hub ALL IN ONE DAY? 

Well, the truth is, she doesn't. 

Nobody does. 

Not one of us mommas, who gives each day our absolute all, should ever feel less than. Hell, not one of us mommas, who gives each day even half of our all, should ever feel less than. Some days are only half-of-our-all-worthy. And there's nothing to feel ashamed of if today is your half-of-your-all-worthy day. We all have them.

Here's the thing. 

I do not know one single, solitary momma, not even ONE, who is capable of doing all of the following well on a regular basis:

Actually playing with her kids (i.e., not just turning on cartoons; not just handing coloring books. Actually. Playing.)
Cooking (and, ahem, not of the frozen food into the oven variety. Even if it is organic.)
Cleaning (actually cleaning, not just picking up.)
Laundry-ing (washing, drying, folding, putting away)
Exercising (which does not include chasing ever-moving bodies around the house. Although maybe it should...)
Spending quality time with the husband (actually in-ter-act-ing; not just sitting side-by-side; maybe even having a non-kid-related conversation?!)
Crafting/reading/writing/photographing/gardening/etc. (i.e., personal hobbies)
Staying-up-to-date and in regular contact with family members and close friends
Working a paying job (outside or inside of the home)

Seriously. Not even ONE momma that I know can do all of these things, well, on a regular basis.


Why do I feel like I should be able to do all of these things, well, on a regular basis?

And why do I feel like when I don't do all of these things, well, on a regular basis, I am less than. 

Well, let's be honest. Not even ONE momma, this momma very much included, can do it all. Not even ONE.

So, here's what I propose: Pick 3. 

Pick 3 items from that list and know that that's enough each day. That. Is. Enough. Then, give yourself a high-5, pour a glass of wine, and call it a day. 

And if it's a half-of-your-all-worthy day, pick 2. That's it. Just 2.

For example: 

One day last week, I spent real, actual playtime with my kids. I left my phone in another room, and played, down on the floor on my hands and knees, and in the backyard, and at the pool, with my babies, for three hours straight. It was awesome. When they were napping, I did something I enjoy: I worked out. It was glorious. I also cooked dinner for my family. That's 3, and I think that's a pretty good day. 

Tomorrow, I'll pick 3 more (or just 2 if it's another rainy Monday. Those are the worst, aren't they? Please, for the love, let it stop raining). 

Of course, my goal at the end of the day is always to get in some quality time with my hub. But honestly? Some days I just don't feel like talking to anyone by the time the kids' heads hit their pillows. Why do people always want to talk? So. Sometimes, sitting side-by-side on the couch, with "Big Brother" on, just has to suffice. Sometimes, not. But sometimes, that's enough. 

Some days, I'll substitute cleaning for exercising. Some days, I'll make phone calls and catch up with friends while my little ones sleep. Some days, I'll do dinner prep during nap time. Some nights, I write blog posts, while sitting next to my hub on the couch, without, honestly, really interacting with him. But. I need that sometimes: To do something I really enjoy doing while sitting right next to him. Sometimes, I put the computer away, snuggle up, and soak him in. 

I will say, for me, actually playing with my children will ALWAYS be in my top 3,, although the percentage of time devoted to that play time may fluctuate depending on the other needs around my home. 

Regardless of your preferences, your needs, your wants, your desires, your must-do's, your to-do's: 

Let's stop trying to pretend like each of us can do it all. 

The truth is? We can't. Not even ONE of us. 


Let's pick 2, or if we're feeling really up to our game, 3, each day, and just focus on doing our best job in those areas. And if you manage to accomplish 4 or more of that list in one day, and do it all successfully, congratulations! But. Also? Kindly keep that information to yourself. 

The rest of us are just trying to do the best we can. 

1 comment:

  1. I love this post, thank you so much! I'm not even a mom but I try to carry all the weight on my shoulders and be perfect, but I just CAN'T. Good to know this now in case I ever do become a mother.